odds and ends

not even close

April 15, 2009 by etwas

一開始
你們靠近那時的我
然後說
好像看不清楚
應該就是這樣吧

其實在裡面的我你們沒看到 …… not even close

後來
我自作聰明地想
好吧
那就不要讓你們靠太近好了
不會被清楚評價
起碼
也不會被一知半解下地評價

距離的確造就了一層薄薄的美
結果
你們膜拜我
試圖想靠近我

當一層薄霧被消散
你們又失望(或是安心?)地說
應該就是這樣吧

最後在裡面的我你們還是沒看到 …… not even close

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I didn’t know Thriving Ivory until downloading their FREEEEEEEEE MV, “Angels On The Moon”, from iTunes(thank you pal!). I felt really like this song and tried to find the lyrics and more information about them. Then I stumbled upon this good piece, “I’ll Kill Her” by SOKO. Although having no idea who she is, I still was intrigued.

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my very own 2009’s resolutions

January 2, 2009 by etwas

I came across a post here. I, as a freelance-going-to-be programmer, should set up a few resolutions either. Prospectively after Feb. when I’m going to quit the job and anticipate not to find a new one, which means I’m gonna double(or triple) my free time.

Here’s the list I’m now thinking of, and it keeps growing:
1. Learn lisp, really, dive in.
2. Trace some interesting subsystems in linux kernel.
3. Contribute a little to open source communities.
4. Programming languages, compiler. I have few books waiting to be finished.
5. Algorithm/data structure of some given lectures, and possibly some math topics.
6. IELTS 7, I hope. Then I can apply some post-graduate programs and hope one of them accepts me.
7. Guitar? Piano? I would if I got the time.
8. Girls? You’ve got to be kidding me!!

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that’s where things get nasty

November 10, 2008 by etwas

又是這樣
本來開始設計
就分類好了
像tree一樣
每一level的sibling都應該有類似的特性
但是
每每都要到subtree去做一些workaround for special cases
更有甚者
這些special case有時還會違反了當初歸到某parent下的初衷
i don’t want to write shit code.
but i’m enforced to do so.

所以我想有時候看到一些ugly code
可能要多帶點同理心
作者當初可能面臨跟我一樣的掙扎

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最受不了的

November 10, 2008 by etwas

這幾個月前的難受
不是今天
但是仍然想留下來
提醒自己
都會過去的(吧?)
——–

原來
最受不了的是
treated like nothing
靠近
遠離
說了什麼

寫了什麼
都
與我無關

回想
有人單方面喜歡我時
由於我並沒有同樣感情的緣故
做的任何事
並沒有把她放在心上
可是對她來說
就算我只是動了動小指頭
都有意義
一直到她發現
這個意義是她自己加上去的
這種難過
在我自己的感情戰場
攻守互換後
我現在真的能夠瞭解
對自己也對喜歡我的那個人
有一絲絲的同情

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又是一次不能被人瞭解的不快

September 3, 2008 by etwas

這樣有心機的一個人如我
同時也不樂於虛偽
拒絕虛以委蛇
不想靠近讓我難過的人事物
勉強把笑容擠出來
然後讓, 除了自己, 好過
辦不到啊
give me reason why i should do this for you
你不能對這樣的我多苛責些什麼吧

Posted in love_me_not | Tagged emotion, loathe, love | Leave a Comment »

give me a break

May 16, 2008 by etwas

打從去年底困擾著我的這個感情問題
一直在想放又不想放之間擺盪
昨天
喔
原來她四年啊那似乎是沒有我介入的空間吧
那就這樣吧
我想要饒了自己

But it’s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

You’re Beautiful ~James Blunt

She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it’s time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Posted in love_me_not | Tagged emotion | Leave a Comment »